How to politely decline business requests without feeling like an @**hole

After interviewing thousands of candidates in my decade-long recruiting career, I will say I have mastered the art of polite rejection.

I wasn't the hiring manager who leaned on the easily and commonly used, "It was so great to meet you, we'll reach out if we think it makes sense to move you forward," and then never taking the time to follow up with the candidate.

Instead, I would actually reject candidates to their faces.

I know, I know, you are probably picking your jaw off the floor right now, but bear with me for a second.

If I was interviewing a high-quality candidate who wasn't the right fit for the role they were interviewing for, why would I want to lead them to believe that they were going to get a call back from me?

Instead of taking the easy route, I would challenge myself to take the most mature and helpful route for them.

Yep: good old-fashioned honesty was my name of the game.

You might be wondering, how would these conversations end? Would the individuals be upset? Disagreeing with me? In tears?

Nope. 9/10 times, the conversations would go great. And we would part ways amicably.

Before I share what this conversation looked like, I just want you to know that you can have this same experience when you reject undesirable client projects.

Not only will they thank you, but if done right, they actually will end up referring ideal business your way.

Here are five steps to politely declining business requests without feeling like a total asshole.

Get clear on why you want to decline the request.

Commonly business owners get so worked up by the thought of declining someone that they don't take the time to explore what it is about the request that makes them uninterested. However, gaining clarity on what makes them uninterested is often where the most straightforward responses lie.

Ask yourself, what is it about this request that makes you want to decline it?

• Is it that the budget isn't high enough?
• Is the location of the project a nightmare for you to get to?
• Is the timeline of the project too lengthy?
• Do you not like the energy or attitude of the prospective client?
• Is the prospective client a family member, and the last time you worked with a family member, it was an excruciating experience for all?

Getting clear on what is missing from the business request often points you in the direction of making changes.

Once you have labeled your reason why, use it to set a new standard for your business.

2. Define your minimum viable client and boundaries

The questions listed in step one will help pinpoint who your minimum viable client is and the boundaries you need to set.

When you define who your minimum client is, it becomes crystal clear who meets these criteria and who doesn't.

Think about it like dating.

You likely have some standards in place before you choose to go out with someone.

These standards may look like having a good job, finding them attractive, being a non-smoker, an anti-racist, having a love for dogs, and living in a nearby city.

All of these are understandable and reasonable baseline standards to have in place before agreeing to go on a date with someone, so why can't we enter a professional relationship by setting similar standards?

Here are questions to ask yourself to set your standards, and a few examples that should help you, too:

• Which projects have I enjoyed working on the least? Or which clients do I enjoy working with the least?
  • "Working on projects with family members."
  • "Decluttering attics and crawl spaces."
  • "Nannying for more than two children at a time."
  • "Photographing a wedding as a sole photographer."
  • Why didn't I enjoy these?
    • "I felt totally taken advantage of, worked around the clock, and it made it awkward at family parties. I also gave a discount which made it even worse."
    • "They are usually a complete mess, disgusting to work in, sometimes even dangerous to work in, and I have a total fear of spiders."
    • "It is a lot of work to take care of three kids at once, and I am not paid enough to do so."
    • "I couldn't give my best work, and I didn't feel great sending over the final images knowing they could have been so much stronger if they paid for a second shooter."
    • Set new boundaries or expectations.
      • "I am no longer taking on family members as clients."
      • "I do not do any work in crawl spaces or attics."
      • "I now charge an additional $20/hour for more than 2 kids. If they are willing to pay that, then I am willing to do it."
      • "I am only taking on clients who will have the budget for two photographers."

      Taking the time to do this uncomfortable but crucial step will make refusing business so much easier. When you clearly know who you don't work with, and have a reason for it, you begin to recognize your value and feel appreciated and energized in the work you do take on.

      3. Begin placing your minimums on your marketing

      A great way to begin communicating client minimums is to add them to your website, your intake forms, and your content.

      Intake forms are the questions that accompany the appointment. They can serve as a fantastic qualifier for if a client is an ideal prospect or not and help give them insight about what you specialize in, too.

      For example, if you are an interior designer, you should add your minimums on your intake forms.

      A question such as, "I have a new client minimum of a $25,000 design budget. Could you explain in detail, to the best of your ability, what you're looking for?"

      This short statement allows your client to know upfront who you work with and who you do not. If they don't meet the minimums, it's an easy conversation for you to have.